Here!

Kinda

sorta

Had to work out in my head about M and I…it’s been an emotional few weeks, so I’ve been quiet here. And I’m super busy with work just now, juggling, always juggling. If you have kids, you get the whole “summer camp” juggle..add in work, and family and pets and major huge house work..(expensive house work, to boot, sigh)…

and you have a slut with no free time except to eat, sleep, repeat.

M and I are okay. No play time, and I’m not going to go into all the particulars, just I was mad about it. Unjustly, but one cannot always control hurt and upset and anger…that’s what makes us human, after all.

So we have talked, and come back to equilibrium, and things are…steady. Are they improving…? No. Are they changing? NO. And they can’t, just now, for a plethora of reasons.

He wants more.

I want more.

We are both living in the wanting, with no way to make it happen.

Yes…some one or twenty of you may think “hmmm, if there’s all that much wanting, surely you can make it happen…?”

But we can’t. It is just the way the dice are rolling just now, and sometimes you just have to accept that it is what it is, and roll with it. With nearly 10 years under our belts, we’ve been up and down these twisted roads, and we always come out to the other side, strong and happy and resilient in our relationship. We aren’t in that first hot rush of lust. We’re in the settled but still needy stage of deep comfort. So, we will do as best we can, and when things work out, then we’ll be okay again.

Just wanted you all to know I’m still pumping air in and out of my lungs, and life continues to roll on. Maybe at some point I’ll have some time to sit, to write, and reconnect a bit with you all here.

Vanilla life is stuck to me like a latex catsuit. (I know there’s a zipper here someplace….)

5 thoughts on “Here!

  1. there must be something in the air. between kitchen remodelling and the parent in and out of the hospital, plus students having exams these fews I feel as if I hardly have time to breathe. I had to schedule a half hour of sex and cuddling for goodness sake. sigh. i feel that, like you, we’re going to be able to hang in there till something gives and we get some kinky time together with no guilt / rush / interruptions. But till then, i’m breathing, eating and sleeping and living day to day. Good luck with the vanilla. Hang in there!

  2. ” We’re in the settled but still needy stage of deep comfort.” I love this. Ahhh deep comfort. Now i’m imagining you cleaning windows in a latex catsuit and have the giggles. Personally, i don’t know how anyone could resist you.

  3. Must be something in the air….know you are not alone…and yes, we will all get back to the fun, sexy, ouchy, Oh my..sexy stuff…hugs abby

  4. life gets in the way of the wantings….i know how that feels…..hopefully those will come to you both…hugs blossom

  5. I’m glad to hear that you’re ok, and sorry that things are rough.
    I know all too well the hurt and disappointment when things don’t go as planned – for me i get angry and have no where to direct it (since it’s no one’s fault) so it goes everywhere.
    Hopefully things will open up soon for you.

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