Pondering…HNT with lots of words!

Back in the early days of M and nilla, we met almost every month for the first year. It was a time of hot needs, of getting to know one another, of rushed visits between needing to be other places, of kneeling in restaurants and not caring, of the joy of wearing his collar, and the excitement of picking out outfits…

It was all so new for me. Being a submissive…discovering the words for the feelings and erotic fantasies I’d been having for so much of my life. It was as much about discovering who I was, as it was about discovering how to please Him.

Of course, eventually the new wore off, as it does.  We started to  have playtime less frequently… every other month, every 9 or 10 weeks…and now, two old farts that we are, we’re lucky to meet up 3 times a year. This fall will mark our ten years together. Almost a decade, FFS!!

And it sucks that we don’t have the same “gotta get together” vibe that we once did.  I’m pretty sure my need for him has not burned lower than it was at the start. Would  I still meet him monthly if the opportunity arose?

YOUBETCHA!

Real life, however, has other plans. Back then my kids were tiny toddlers. Now they’re well on their way to  young adulthood, and their needs have grown as well. Not the constant care of them, not like before, but in the needing to be places and often in divergent area’s…which means less free time for all of us. Free time is a bygone entity, at least for now. Added to that, that I now run my own little business, AND still work for someone else (which means I’m pretty much working somewhere every day of the week)…it definitely shorts the available time *I* have. (And of course, it’s all about me, right? LOL!)

Add to the mix that Himself is pretty busy as well.

And fuck, we’re old  not younglings ourselves. That heated fire will still consume us whenever we meet, then leaves us laying in a contented smoldering glow. We cuddle. We laugh. We touch one another. It’s sometimes nice to just be. Together.

And there’s another factor as well.

You’ve perhaps heard the adage “If you want to keep moving, keep moving” ? I think it’s the same for my libido. Sure I masturbate quite a bit. But…these days it’s almost more about helping me sleep than it is about actually getting off. Okay not all the time, but many times.

So I fall into these…phases, I guess, where I have random and fleeting thoughts of D/s, of being beaten and used, but it’s up there in the same realm as my other fantasies. If it’s not really happening, my body tends to stuff it into a sleep sack and slot it away someplace.

I stop feeling the need.

And I wonder, is it a thing of growing older? is it a thing of being so busy that I crowd it out by necessity? is it a thing that because I can’t do it as often as I want, I *make* myself too busy to miss it?

Maybe…all of the above?

All I know for sure is that I am not getting “it” as much as I’d like to. And I think I don’t need “It” after I’ve gone time with out it. I convince myself that IT doesn’t really matter at all anymore.

Until I’m scrolling through my own photos and see the things he’s done to me over the years. Until I see the bruises, remember how they got there, and realize how damp my panties are. When I see this

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taken a mere hour after I got home, and can still almost feel the insistent tap-tap-tapping of the wooden spoon on my tits, remember his fingers in my cunt, how he fingered me to several explosive orgasms as he sucked my nipples purple with bruises; oh yes, I remember.

Oh, those craven feelings, the want and the need and the oooohs and the Owwwwws and the flying and the bliss and the joy…that’s when I remember…

Yeah.

I still need IT.

 

HNT~ Master’s Pick

I sent M some boob pic’s because I haven’t in a while. And my post yesterday was all angsty, but made me reflect that some of the effort of maintaining our synergy lies upon me, not only Himself.

Synergy, by the way is defined thusly:

syn·er·gy
ˈsinərjē/
noun
  1. the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
    synonyms: cooperative interaction, cooperation, combined effort, give and take

I like this word a lot. It’s a statement that reminds me that we both bring something to our relationship, and it isn’t only kneeling and ordering, but the little things we can do to maintain our connections, despite the long vanilla times when we’re apart.

The best part of the definition for me is the “greater than the sum of their separate effects” part. Together we are explosive, raw, violent, passionate–so very different from our vanilla selves.

And synergy aside, what Dom doesn’t enjoy a bunch of titty pictures from his submissive?

Then I asked him to pick his favorite for HNT. I’m almost surprised that he went for the most subtle one of the bunch. They’re all variations on the theme of Naptime, by the way. Without further ado, here is M’s pick:

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Titty Break! HNT

I didn’t do a HNT post last week because my story really has a grip on me, and I actually forgot there was a Thursday last week. LOL.  I was going to sub-in a pic from the past (see what I did there? Sub…in…hahaha), my Patriot’s shirt boobage, but I know not everyone is a Pat’s fan (gasp!!)…so today, we’ll just opt for a little black lace, and cleavage!

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(go Pat’s!)

Almost Missed the HNT!

EVERYONE has been shut down today, the north east has been Bombogenisisisised. We’ve had a shit-ton of snow, winds to rival the wolf of 3-little pigs fame, and now the thermometer has begun to fall again. Oh, the warm up to 28 was SO nice. Finally to be able to shed some layers.

But then it got cold again. And my nips …well you all know what nips do when it’s cold.20180104_223341

Baby~ It’s FUCKING COLD Outside!

Yes.

Not just chilly. Not merely cold. Not even brrrr it’s a cold night. It’s totally fucking cold. I can handle a few days of this, but penguin-walking is getting old (fucking ice!) and by damn,  my tits are about to freeze off.

Okay.

So, okay,  not really.

It just feels that way, dammit! And my nipples have been hard for days, practically. (And no let up in sight…tomorrow will “warm up” to 16. Woofuckinghoo.

Need proof of my poor sore nips? (I know you do…which is why this is a better-late-than-never HNT!)

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HNT~A Little Bit Skinnier

I made it! It’s still HNT day (but hey, pervie peeps…it IS just 4 days before Christmas and I WAS in the store an hour ago {dammit!} so I think I get some creds for getting a post up at all! (I love the holidays, but this year the bustle seems to be even more bustle-y than usual. Or is it me?)

Anyway…It’s HNT day, and I’m down well over 10 pounds and proud to show it. I wish I could tell you the “miracle” diet, but really it’s just too many working hours vs the time I have to eat anything. The good part is that it is very very VERY gradual, so I’m toning up as well as slimming down. Nilla is NEVER going to be a skinny gal, not ever. And I don’t want to be. But a little bit less of me isn’t a bad thing either.

(are you still reading? are you not about to stamp your foot and say ‘for crissakes, nilla, show me your fucking tits already?)

*laughs*

see? I know you. Pervs.

(my people!)

Okay I’ll stop teasing…at least for tonight.

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The girls aren’t any skinnier, but look! I have a wee bit of nip…in my waist as well as…well, you know.

Happy HNT, pervie peeps!