Hey, peeps, how’ya doin’? (if you know someone from Boston, specifically Southie, you can read that in appropriate accent!)
It’s been a wearing, weird-ful March, hasn’t it?
Up until this week I haven’t been in quarantine mode, or not much. But as my jobs began to dry up, much like wet sheets on a clothesline, at first, a lot of weight, then lighter and lighter…until all that’s left is one dry sheet.
hmmm…I’m not sure that metaphor actually works for what I’m trying to say. But I did go from having a full, heavy schedule, to working about 4 hours a week. Which, I know, is a blessing. I’m in a semi-necessary job, but not in high demand. I’m being vague, I know. But the bottom line is–I’ve been home a LOT.
And today, for whatever reason, I finally jived with it.
Instead of being scared/mad/sad/depressed/pissed/annoyed, I *enjoyed* being housewife/mom/petperson. I had fun hanging my laundry on the line, on joking around with my kiddo’s, and puttering around the house.
The situation didn’t change. I did. I’ve been doing a light breathing meditation for 10 minutes a night while I’m in bed. I’ve resigned myself to being broke enough that I won’t be able to pay some bills. SO many people are in the same position I’m in that I don’t feel like it’s just me barely scraping by. Like so many others, I almost live paycheck to paycheck, only being able to put a few dollars aside for a rainy day…and there’s been a lot of rain this past year!
Anyway, I found some inner peace hidden around all the pockets of panic and fear, and have been harvesting them, stitching them into a blanket of calm. Whenever the fear tries to rise up-and it does, often-I mentally envision that calmness wrapping around me. I will get through this. Yes, I’m actively practicing “happy”.
My wifey has been a big help through this. I get news-obsessed, and hanging on every word of every new “fearful thing”. She made me stop. I limit myself to one news cast a day. Plus, I only have to see #45 on the tube once a day, since he makes me crazy mad. (I swear if he says “it was a beautiful meeting” or “I’m a smart guy, a very smart guy, yes I am” one. more. time….I will eat my remote control!!)
(Yeah, I know I don’t usually get all political here, but this IS my blog and I can state my opinion!)
As to M and I…well, one of the things I have to let go of is my slut-phone. Yes, I had a separate phone just for slutty stuff. Where I look at porn when I masturbate, where I text with M…I can’t have that stuff on my Mom phone, because someone is always looking at what texts I have pinging onscreen.
Definitely not a plan.
So, I had to write to him and tell him that I was going offline until I’m no longer laid off from my main job. He sent me his email address, so we won’t lose full contact, but it’s not the same. I don’t check my email every day, but maybe that will change, too.
Here is a bright side, too: I should have more time to write. With my previous work-load, I had so little time to sit, let alone compose something slutty and fun! I was running all the time, juggling all kinds of things. I know, most if not all of you grok that-hey! Wasn’t life was supposed to be simpler and easier by this century, with lots of leisure time?
*falls over in hysterical laughter*
But now I have LOTS of time on my hands. And frankly, at this stage in life, time is more precious than money.
Currently I’m catching up on all the house tidying/cleaning that has been shunted aside while I was Crazed Worky Slut. It’s only taken 3 days to really make inroads on my personal to-do list, so I’m hopeful that after a final push this weekend, by next week, I’ll be able to really get on a writing jaunt!
Until then….I’m sitting here sending a heartfelt wish that every one of you will be safe and healthy. And that if you get sick – influenza, Covid-19, or even a cold, that you come through it and out the other side and come back to read all the slutty, naughty stuff that I’ve written for you- those wet and slippery tales that give thrills to all of us weird fucks.